Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
