Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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