and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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