I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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