I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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