I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
