I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
