I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
