Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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