They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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