Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
