I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
