i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
