you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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