Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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