Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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