Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
