I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
