I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
