So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
