he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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