apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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