the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
