i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
