Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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