this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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