got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
