No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
