did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
