she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
