where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
