im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
this is an emotional support booty call
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
