I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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