Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
