While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
