Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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