You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
