Im at strip club and am horny
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
