Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
