He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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