'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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