the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
