We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
