Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
