i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
