i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
third nipple confirmed
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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