i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
