My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Nicole vs. Life
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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