So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
