out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
