You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
