is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
