umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I am naked and annoyed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
