Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
