i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
