you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
