remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
