you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
